Ahead of Valentine’s Day, we’re launching our new series of sex and relationship articles, to bring you our ultimate tips. For this, we’ve teamed up with disability and sex expert, Tuppy Owens, who runs Outsiders, a private club for disabled people looking for a relationship. Here, she gives us her top tips on everything from dating to getting intimate, no matter what your disability.
Whether you’re looking for romance, sexual pleasure, a relationship, love or all four, disability shouldn’t stop you from enjoying the joys sex and relationships.
Before I begin, it’s important to understand that sexuality is the second most important human drive, after survival, and so cannot be suppressed. It is a primaeval need within all of us, whether you’re disabled or not. So remember, never feel ashamed to feel and talk about your needs. Make sure you say this to those who try to inhibit you, and insist on privacy if you don’t already have it.
There are a number of ways in which you can express your sexuality and who you are – clothing, hairstyles etc. Be open about your feelings and desires and don’t hide who you are. Becoming confident, in life and sexually, is key.
- Chemistry doesn’t discriminate and isn’t prejudiced against anyone, including disabled people. It’s about that ‘spark’ – or even fireworks, if you’re lucky enough – not what your body can and can’t do.
- Many disabled people say that finding a partner when they have an impairment actually sorts out the people with integrity from the arseholes, so you might be able to avoid dating a wrong ‘un in your quest for love.
- A number of disabled people say that they feel more comfortable with another disabled partner as they share experiences.
- Whilst being disabled doesn’t guarantee non-arsehole behaviour, shared experiences (such as talking together about dealing with carers or laughing about incontinence) can make the dating game more fun and much easier. One Outsider’s member once said: ‘Disabled people make the best lovers because we know how to ask for things nicely, and are ingenious in finding ways around obstacles in life.’